Thursday, July 15, 2010

You Know My Name

CUT TO INTERIOR LADIES POWDER ROOM. Spacious and Ornate. It looks like the ballroom on the Titanic. Attractive cocktail waitress is using the Girdle Removal machine to ready herself for doing "her business" The door opens and Don Curtainer enters.

Waitress: What are you doing? This is the ladies room, you cad!

Don: (taking her in his arms) And I'm a ladies man (he notices the machine and thoughtfully rubs one of its stirrups.) This is made by one of our clients. Tell me; what do you like best about it?
(Always working!)

Waitress:(coyly) A lady's not to talk about such things with strangers!

Don: Then perhaps I should introduce myself
(As they consummate their meeting with some illicit fornication, the camera focuses on Don's hand, still intently caressing the stirrup)

CUT TO: Afterwards. Don is tying his tie, five cigarettes hanging from his mouth. The Waitress is crying in the corner.

Don: That's the trouble with you girls -- too emotional.

Waitress: But you don't understand! I'm pregnant!
(Without missing a beat, Don pulls a wad of bills out of his coat and tosses them to her)

Don: There's 5000 dollars. All I ask is this; if it's a boy, name him after me.
Waitress: (Pocketing cash) But I don't know your name!

Don: (smirking to himself in mirror) I know.

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